This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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