that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
