the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
