You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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