man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I touched a dick in church today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize