Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
