you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
