Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
