its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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