Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
