Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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