I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
