Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
