Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
