I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
