yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
