twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
