Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize