I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
