I wish my penis had an off switch
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
