yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is not my ceiling
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
