this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
