i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
