I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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