Say something about gay babies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
