I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
