Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
