I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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