Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
