I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
