It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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