Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
