Kiss
Puke
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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