I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
