if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
