i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
