now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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