His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
