he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
