Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize