My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
