I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hippo gnu deer
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
