I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
