Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
