why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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