you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
