i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
