I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
