If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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