just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
