I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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