At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
