Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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