is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to calm my uterus...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
