what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
