He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
