I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize