Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
