The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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