Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
