Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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