i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
